She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
