Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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