When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
