Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
