By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
