if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
