help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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