I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
