I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
