dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
