Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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