she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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