i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize