there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
