She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
