He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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