my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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