I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
