sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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