I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
