Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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