I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
