i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
