wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
