Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize