i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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