Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize