Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
