I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
