I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize