shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
