If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
