Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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