you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize