I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
