So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
