i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
