Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
