Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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