I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
