I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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