If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He did a backflip because drugs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
