he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The power of my boobs compel you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
