Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cockslap morals
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
