this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
