he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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