Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
