Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
