Umm I'm too high to move.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize