Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
