I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
4 words: hood of his car
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
