I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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