Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
