I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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