I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
