He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize