Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
