Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
