the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
