Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
