Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
