Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
