please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
