Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wanna go halves on a baby?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
