I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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