So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
