Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
