Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
