he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
