he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
