i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
