Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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