I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
