true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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