maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My vagina is officially offended.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
