Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
