I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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