I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
