He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
